One Year With Cancer

Sorry some pics are big some are small, but yea there on here lol.



WOW, i cant believe it has been that long. A year ago today, i was doing nothing but laying in bed unable to move because of the bone marrow biopsy. Werid to think..just monday i had my 5th one. It still sucks but at least they put you to sleep at St. Jude's. I remember being told i had cancer just like it was yesterday. I was laying in my moms bed asleep when my phone rang. It was my doctor.

"Yes is this Amanda"
"yeess"
"Is your mom there, I need to talk to both of you"
"Why whats wrong, you can tell me"
"Well we dont have all the results back but we believe you have Chronic Myeloid Leukemia."
"Is that bad, am I going to die, Can i still go to Richmond to see Elliott and the other idols in concert" (leave it to me to be more worried about seeing Elliott and the idols then my health lol)
"Yes you will still be able to go, but i need to get you in here so we can discuss treatment plans, we caught it early"

I remember hanging up and just crying, I said the one thing everyone says, you say it without thinking, it just comes out "Why me God, why me?"

10 mins later i recieved a call from my mom, she was crying...
My dad who was preparing to leave for Iraq in 2 days called...he tried to be strong, like a Army man would. But he failed at that.

I remember bits and pieces phone calls from friends. How did news travel so fast. I remember my brother Matthew holding me tears streaming down our eyes..."Your going to beat this you know." "Yea i know Im goin to kick its ass."

Me and my brothers have taken nothing but a joking out look on my cancer. They kept me sane in those days of weariness. With jokes about it.

I remember days before talking to Brandon about it. If there was one thing that kept me going in those days before, of not know what was wrong with my body, IT was ELLIOTT AND THE ETRAIN....They kept me strong and stable, with prayers everyday. I knew i had created another family, we all had a bond that could never be broken. And even He was behind me. Elliott that is.

July 29, my happiest day ever. My first ever American Idol show. I was in Richmond, seeing my idol in HIS hometown. I felt sicker then a dog, but no one could wipe the smile off my face. I was seeing Elliott. I had been told they where tryin to get me meet and greets, well i knew they had them Brandon was just messing with me. The show was amazing, the out pour of love and support for Elliott made me want to cry. Seeing Elliott sing on a stage in front of 10,000 fans made me want to cry. Elliott had done it, he overcame the odds, he was living his dream...and that day i decided no matter what i was goin to live mine. Meeting Elliott that day wasnt the only big thing in my life.

That day i met the person that i now call my best friend. She has been there through, tears and laughter, serious talks, talks about which idol guy is hotter. Talks about politics and death, Religion and God. Everything you can think of we have talked about it. She has traveled hundereds of miles to see me, so we could see another speical girl. That day was the first day i met Felisha. It seems so funny we became friends over a banner project she was over and now we have even more in common then just our love for the E man. More on her later though.

That day i met Elliott, Brandon told him who i was, Elliott rose up from the table and gave me one of the best hugs ever. Well the best hug ever. For a little guy he gives great hugs. He told me he was praying for me. He signed my program. I gave him a live strong bracelet and told him thanks for helping me. If it wasnt for Elliott, i dno if i would of had the strength to fight in the begining. Thank YOU ELLIOTT....for helping shape and mold me into the person I am today. Because of you, im a fighter, because of you, i know its ok to dream big dreams. Because of you, i have a family like no other.


See that big smile on my face.


Me and my fave 2 boys.

In August. I met all the idols...it was great fun...and getting another E hug AMAZING.

August 15 was my frist day at St. Judes. They took over 20 tubes of blood from me and i had my second bone marrow test. My blood counts where 55,000 avearage is anywhere from 4,500 and 10,000. That day was the day i became known as the American Idol girl. HAHA. It was cool though. I started a tradition that day, when i go to sleep i need to be talking about Elliott and when i wake up be prepared casue im goin to talk about Elliott.

The next day i met my doc, he was so sweet...just liek me a people person me and him connected on a friend level rather then a doctor patient level and for that we created a trust like no other.

I also learned that a bone marrow transplant could be possible in my treatment to help cure me. They would soon test my brothers to see if they where possible donors. Well it ended up Michael was close but not there. But still a possibilty. So till this day he holds it over my head. I wouldnt do that if i where you, im not goin to give you bone marrow if you need it. Awww, sibling love. But like i said, me and my bros treat it as a joke. Thats just my family for you though...but hey to me laughter can cure anything.

I started school not to long after. It was werid being back there. I didnt know if people knew or what. I was afraid of being treated differently but my friends where great and to this day treat me normal.

My chemo made me sick. My hair stoped growing as fast as it normally did. I had stomach aches last lasted for days on end samething with headaches. I couldnt eat, but was gaining weight like crazy. I hated the chemo, i hated the cancer for what it was doing to me.

In October i made it back to Richmond. Elliott's first hometown show. (the only reason im including these stories, is because, Elliott is the reason im still alive. Elliott kept me going when i didnt think i could do it anymore. I have said it before but ill say it again. In Elliotts song Free he talks about a blessing in disguise...well Thank You God for allowing Elliott to be mine.)

That couple of days i became even closer to my soon to be best friend and a woman who i look up to. I shared a room with my Harley mom as she is now called. She has treated me like a daughter giving me advice. She has treated me like a friend, when we gripe about idiots on the train. She has been there through thick and thin. When i call her crying over something my mom or dad did. She was always there to give me the parents point of view on things. She is and will forever be a big part of my life. I will never be able to let her get away. She is my friend and my family. Thank you Gleena. (I hope i spelled that right)

Me and Felisha became even tighter those couple days spending every single moment together. from the JDRF banquet to the concert. Me and her have something alot of people dont have. We connect on a level like most people dont. We are dreamers, free spirits. Tell us we cant do something and we will do it twice. That i believe is how me and her became the friends that we are.


The months went by with no big news. But i did become aquainted with a beautiful little girl named Mackenzie. She had big brown eyes and a smile that could make your heart break. What was even worse, she had leukemia.

In March Felisha, (my bff forever haha...inside joke) flew down and on to Cincinatti Ohio we went. We where goin to meet Mackenzie. I had the time of my life. One of those days that you will never forget. Mack gives me the strength to pull on, she is beating the odds everyday. She and i will always have a connection its an ugly one to start with, but its one that puts you through the ringer and turns you into a beautiful human being that has the will and want to to live a life of greatness.

That day was the best. I cried, i laughed i smiled and i got to share somethign with Mackenzie that was great. The joy of watching a show that has brought us all together in some way or another. American Idol. I remember asking her Mackenzie who is your favorite this year ( knowing that like me with Elliott, no one was goin to measure up to her boyfwend Acey), but she piped up with Ki Ki. That day we ate candy and played with playdough, we watched idol and full house. We opened presents. We played tag and mother may i. I enjoyed that day watching Mackenzie, live and fight and I knew that day that no matter what leukemia threw at her, God was bigger and she was goin to win. She was goin to live to be an old lady. She is my little fighter and my angel on earth.


Can you tell we love each other.


Isnt she cute


Eating candy...Felisha, me and Mack

Leaving that day was hard. Mackenzie even tried to lock us in. I cried. I love that child with all that is in me and i cant wait to hang out with her and her wonderful mom Amy again...Sept 13...can you please get here faster.

I always see God as being a gracious kind God, one who never gives you a bad thing if he doesnt give you a good thing before or after the bad. SO that is what i got on Aug 11 and Aug 13.

I meet my idols all 10 of them. I made a connection with one and his fans, he is a believe and a prayer warrior and so are they. Chris Sligh thank you for who you are. Thanks for being a great man, and a great leader of the Fro' Patrol.




Is that a cute face or what. haha

I met all the idols that day. Blake was my fave idol though. Im a blaker girl through and through. He is a great guy with a heart of gold. I hope that with his fame he can do great things for the world not with just music but with love. I know he has friends with cancer and asks for people to donate or buy things for the hospital in Seatle. So i pray that he will take his fame and create a foundation to raise money for childhood cancer awareness. Maybe thats just wishful thinking but i wish someone would do it. But Blake is a great sweet guy...and im truley honored to be a blaker girl.





Well as everyone knows i have the hots for Chris Rich i dont really have much to say but....WOW IS HE HOT OR WHAT.





Besides those nothing really big has happened. I have had 5 bone marrow biopseys. to many iv's to count, fevers and infections the required hospital stays, blood drawn hundereds of times. Thousands of tears cried. But even through the tears, the pain, the illness, i always found time to smile, i always found time to thank God. I thank God for my cancer now. I know that i have it for a reason, i just have to wait and see why. But the cancer i have is making and molding me into the person that GOD wants me to be. I cant imagine my life with out it now. So what i do everyday to get by is I LIVE STRONG. I FIGHT, I LOVE. So far its worked. I know times ahead of me might be rough. I have to decied on gettin a transplant or not. I have to make a decision that could kill me. BUt in the end im goin to just pray and listen to God and have him tell me what to do cause in the end thats what matters. What God wants.

Thanks to all of you who have been on this journey with me. ITs not over yet. But in the end, we will all be stronger for it. I love you all. Etrain you where there first and will forever be there. I love every single well almost everyone of you there are a few i wouldnt mind pushing off the train....sorry i had to be a smart butt somewhere.

Fro' Patrol, you are new to my journey but are stickin with me good, thanks for the prayers the love and support.

Blaker girls and Richness- you are what keeps me sane, every girl needs friends to sit and talk to about the hotness known as those 2 boys.

and finally to my special friends.

Harley mom, Mama Yellin, Felisha, Nicky, Brandon, Barbie, Doorne (i cant spell sorry), Junker, Sam, Meg, Tina, Kristi(Blake's Friend lol) and a few others i cant think of right now...oh Scott Yamin yea him too. Thanks for being there, thanks for the laughs, the tears, the prayers. Thanks Kristi for going to give Blake my support bracelet. Thanks Felisha to all the long talks, on all the long drives that we just couldnt stay awake for. Thanks Gleena for just the talks period. Thanks Brandon for allowing me to hit on you, in my times of well you know HAHA. Thank you to you all. Your my family and my heart and without you this would be one sucky trip. But with you its one hell of a road trip baby.